Obscene, Heavy-Breathing...Cat?

I used to have a cat that was insanely affectionate. He loved to insert himself in the middle of everything, and when he decided it was time to cuddle, well, it was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. He would pick the person, too, and sometimes it would be a complete stranger. I think he needed to mark every single human he came across as his 'territory' so he could curl up on them whenever he wanted. And I do mean on them. This cat used to sleep on my face. It was really annoying. :)

There was one thing, though, that he didn't want his humans near, and that was Christmas bows. You know, the ones you peel and stick on a gift. Yeah. I brought him home as a kitten right before Christmas, and I was worried he was going to annihilate the tree. Nope. He was mesmerized by the bows on the gifts. He batted at them for a bit, pounced on a few others, and then, oh joy! One came off! 

Clearly, this bow was meant for him and him only. He played with it all over the room, and then the weirdest thing happened. He noticed I was a mere five feet away! His beloved human, the one who feeds him and keeps him safe, was now suddenly a threat. What if I tried to take his bow? He was having none of that, and decided to stake his claim with a vengeance.

He picked up the bow in his mouth, arched his back, and hissed. That right there was funny enough to send me giggling, but have you ever heard a cat try to hiss with something in its mouth? It doesn't work so well, and there is no actual hissing sound. Instead, it sounds like obscene heavy breathing. I fell over in hysterics, which offended him greatly because I clearly wasn't taking him seriously. He forgave me later, though, after he'd hidden the bow and come out for dinnertime. :)

Jokes From An Eight Year Old

Oldest is really into jokes. Actually, both boys are, and they both love to make up their own. Of course, they think they're hilarious but they don't make much sense to a grown-up. Namely, me. :) But I listen and I laugh, mostly at how well they can crack themselves up.

Oldest has had a recent mental shift. He still makes up silly jokes that don't make sense, but he's also starting to see the world around him and tell jokes that are pretty darned funny. Like these two, which he sort of made up on his own:

Q: How does a baby roll?
A: In a stroller.


Q: How does a baby rock and roll?
A: In a stroller on a gravel road.

But the best one he's told me so far is this:

Oldest: Will you remember me five minutes from now?

Me: Yes. 
Oldest: Will you remember me tomorrow?
Me: Yes.

Oldest: Will you remember me next month?

Me: Yes. 

Oldest: Will you remember me next year?

Me: Yes. 

Oldest: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Oldest: I thought you said you'd remember me!

The Toothless Wonder

For the last couple years, Youngest has watched his brother and all his classmates get loose teeth, coins from the Toothfairy, and then grin--showing off those awesome gaps. But Youngest's teeth remained stubbornly tight. Not even the slightest wiggle. Last year, he came to me with a sigh and said "Mommy, when am I going to lose a tooth?" He looked so forlorn that I hugged him and said his teeth would come out when they were ready. He nodded and sort of moped away.

Well, this year, he has hit the jackpot. A couple weeks ago, he lost his first tooth (while we were at a restaurant, no less), and on Sunday he lost another. And, he's got four more loose teeth. Four! I don't know how this kid eats!! Plus, once all these teeth fall out, he's going to be gumming his food to death.

But he doest care. Right now he's smiling, showing off his jack-o-lantern grin and loving every minute of it. In the mean time, I think I'll dust off the blender, just in case. :)

Maui 2012

Last month, we went to Maui for a wedding. I know, I know, such a rough and difficult place to go. :) We took a few extra days and turned this into a lovely family vacation. The best part? Other than eating amazing seafood and sitting around, we did a whole lot of nothing. It was fabulous. :)

The one time we did get off our butts, though, was to take surfing lessons. That was FUN. All of us were scheduled to go, but, when we got there, Youngest decided he wanted no part of it. He didn't throw a fit or anything, he just calmly stated he didn't want to go. I tried to convince him to try, but he just shook his head resolutely. The teachers tried to convince him, but he was having none of it. These guys were professionals, though, and they've seen everything...

Teacher: Look at these great photos of kids just like you surfing. (points to a picture of a kid about 7 or 8 years old riding the waves like a pro)
Youngest: I don't want to go.
Teacher: I can take you if you want. You and I can go on the board together, and you won't even get wet if you don't want to. See? Just like this guy. (points to a picture of a 4ish year old kid on the front of the surfboard with an adult behind him).
Youngest: No. I just don't want to go.
Teacher: Well, okay. No one is going to make you go. But we can't leave you on the beach by yourself, so you gotta come into the ocean with us.
Youngest: (thinking) Yeah, okay.
Teacher: And we'll get you a board so you have something to sit on while you hang out with us there.
Youngest: (thinking again) Oh. Yeah. Okay.

And off he went into the ocean with us. We had two teachers for the four of us, and one of them took Youngest straight out to catch a wave. And he did it! The teacher held the board steady the whole time, but Youngest stood up on the board, then knelt back down when it was over. I was watching the whole thing and cheering, and the other teacher told me that they see this all the time so they take reluctant kids out immediately before they know what's going on, and then it's all good after that. Which is exactly what happened. :) Youngest came over to me and said he loved surfing and wanted to go again! It was so cute.

DH didn't grow up swimming, but he still had fun and managed to stand up on the board quite regularly. Oldest, of course, took to it immediately. He wiped out, of course, but he got right back up and tried again and again until he was doing everything almost by himself (the teachers would give him a shove to make sure he had enough initial momentum). He wants to go surfing again, and wishes Lake Michigan had bigger waves. :)

So do I, for that matter. I loved it! We were out there for an hour and a half at least, and I was not ready to come in when our lesson was over. Toward the end, everything finally clicked into place and I managed to make it almost to the beach without wiping out. FUN!!! Here's some pictures.

Birthday Breakfast

My birthday was back in October, and DH got up early and made me a special, delicious breakfast of salmon on fresh bread with greens and a poached egg. He also made a bloody mary garnished with bleu cheese stuffed olives and salami. It was fabulous!

The boys got up with him, and as they were pulling all the ingredients out of the fridge, Youngest decided to add his two cents:

"Daddy, you don't have to make all that stuff. Mommy's breakfast is easy! All you have to do is put a bowl on the table and she'll put in whatever cereal she wants."

I guess it shows that he pays attention to what I usually eat. :)

Jingle Bells in April?

Yesterday, we woke up to a half inch of snow on the ground. Yeah, not exactly spring weather... It didn't help that I wasn't feeling all that great, because I kept waking up cold the night before.

So, I went downstairs to get breakfast for the kids, and Youngest ran to the window.

Youngest: It snowed! Look, Mommy!
Me: (not looking) Yeah, I noticed.
Youngest: (singing) Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way!
Me: No no no! No Jingle Bells, sweetie. Okay?
Youngest: (confused) But, Jingle Bells is a winter song.
Me: Exactly. It's not winter, it's spring.
Youngest: (looks outside, then looks back at me) But there's snow outside. How can it be spring if there's snow outside?

My thoughts exactly, kid. :) I'm filing a complaint with Mother Nature.

To make matters worse, Jingle Bells was stuck in my head all day long...

My Little Rule-Follower

Yesterday, Youngest had a friend over to play after school. These two are best buds, and they play really well together. They get really energized and run around all over the place, but hey, they're boys. It's what they do.

Over the years, we've made certain rules in the house because Youngest isn't the most coordinated child, and he sometimes gets hurt while trying to do something that's completely beyond his ability. So, we have your basic safety rules. Don't run on the stairs. Don't play in the kitchen. Don't jump off the top bunk bed. Don't play with Mommy's free weights. Etc. We've spent quite a bit of time drilling these rules into Youngest's head so he knows not to do these things.

Oldest doesn't have the same problem since he was born with good coordination, as does the boy who came over. The boy didn't go so far as jumping off the top bunk, but he's definitely coordinated enough to do other things. Youngest was having a great time, but as they were playing I kept hearing his little voice reminding the other boy of the rules. They'd be in the middle of something, and then Youngest would yell "No running on the stairs!" or "No playing with the weights!" or something. He'd never stop playing, he'd just yell out the rule. The other boy would listen and then move on to something else, so it was kind of like a dance. They'd play and play until Youngest steered them in a different direction by citing a rule, then they'd play and play again until another rule came up. It was so funny. And I was proud of him for remembering these rules even though he was so involved in playing with his friend.

Of course, the biggest rule-followers often turn into the biggest rule-breakers once they hit the teen years, so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for that, starting now... :)

The Mayor of the United States

Yesterday, Mayor Daley came to my kids' school for a visit. This is a big deal, of course, and just before he left the whole school came outside to get a picture with him. I hoped to get a picture, but my phone chose that moment to freeze up. I had to pull out the battery and everything. By the time it was all fine and working, Mayor Daley had left. Oh well...

Anyway, when I picked up Youngest, he was very excited.

Youngest: Mommy! The mayor of the United States came to my school!
Me: (chuckling) There is no mayor of the whole country, sweetie. He's the mayor of Chicago.
Youngest: But that's the United States!
Me: Yes, but it's just a small part of the country.

Youngest leaned back in his chair and looked pensive for the next several minutes, like he was trying to work it all out. Poor kid, I think he thought he had met the president and I went and ruined it for him! :)

But I Don't Want To!!

Both the boys started karate last month, and it was quite the convoluted beginning.

When I asked them if they wanted to try karate, Youngest said no. But then he heard Oldest say yes, and he changed his mind. "Mommy, I'll just try it. Okay? I'll try."

I said okay, and signed them both up for a trial class. That way, if one or both of them didn't like it, we could walk away and not worry about losing any money. Well, when the trial day came, we walked into the dojo and Youngest started pulling on my arm and wailing. "Mommy, I don't want to do karate! I don't wanna!" I told him he didn't have to, but for some reason he didn't hear me and kept wailing over and over again that he didn't want to do this. I finally had to take him to a corner, get down on my knees, and put my face a few inches from his.

Me: Hey, sweetie, look at me! No one is going to make you do karate. If you want to do it, you can. But you don't have to. Okay?
Youngest: (surprise all over his face) Oh. Okay.

We went to the classroom, and I fully expected Youngest to be sitting next to me the whole time. But then the teacher led the kids in a few laps around the room to warm up, and the next thing I knew Youngest was running right there with him. He passed by me, smiling and waving, and kept going. When the teacher lined up the kids to start training, he lined up, too, and went through all the kicks, punches, and blocks just like everyone else.

When class was over, he ran up to me practically yelling "Karate is the best thing in the whole world! Can we do it again right now?"
I just stared at him. I mean, seriously?? We went through that whole tantrum, in public, for this?
The teacher heard him and chuckled, then explained the karate was over for the day but that he could sign up and come back another day. So Youngest turned to me and asked "Can we sign up right now and come back tomorrow?"
He asked me that at least five more times, even though I answered each time with a 'yes, of course we can.' :)

I signed them both up that same day, and it's something they look forward to each week. But it's funny how kids will dig in their heels when they think they're being forced into something, isn't it?

You're All Better, Right?

Last tuesday was my first day of physical therapy. It went well, and, as most everyone knows, it was just the first step in a long road to recovery.

My kids don't know that, though. :)

Earlier this year, they discovered karate. There is an amazing dojo in our neighborhood that also has a kids' program. Well, a friend of mine goes there, and we watched her test for her brown belt in January. She'd gone through some major physical difficulties the year before, so my heart swelled with pride watching her complete her test and recieve her brown belt. I still get all warm and gooey inside just thinking about it--watching her was truely inspiring.

I took the kids with me to watch her test, mostly because I didn't have a sitter, and wild horses weren't going to keep me from supporting my friend. :) As it turned out, though, they were interested. Youngest was watching the white belts and trying to mimic their arm movements, and Oldest was studying everyone with an amazing intensity. One of the teachers from the kids' program noticed their interest and came over to say hello. She invited us to come and watch the kids' class to see if it's something they wanted to do for themselves. So, the following week, that's what we did.

After the kids' class was over, I asked the boys if this was something they wanted to try. Oldest said yes, but that he wasn't going to because he'd have to start as a white belt. He wanted to be a black belt. (!) I bit back a laugh, and told him that everyone has to start as a white belt.

Karate is something I've always wanted to try, ever since I was a kid, but I  never had the money or the opportunity. Then my knee gave out. My body has never given out on me before, so this has been difficult to deal with. I don't like it, at all. But as I watched my friend get her brown belt, a new feeling came over me. What she went through makes my torn meniscus look like a scratch, and look at where she is now! It made me realize that if I never got the chance to study a martial art in my lifetime, I would truly regret it. So, I told Oldest that I was going to sign up for karate, and that I'd have to start as a white belt.

His eyes widened at that. "You're going to be a white belt?" he said.
I nodded. "If this is something you think you want to try, then we can be white belts together as soon as my knee is all better. But, even if you decide not to, I'm going to do this."
He thought for a moment, then decided he wanted to try. But he didn't need to wait around for my knee to get better. :) That was last month.

Last Tuesday when I got home from physical therapy, the first thing Oldest asked me was how physical therapy had gone. I said it went well, and he got all excited. "Does that mean you get to do karate with me?" I laughed and said it would still be a while before I could do karate. "Oh," he said. "Well, can you do a front snap kick? Like this?" He demonstrated, and it was so cute that I couldn't tell him no. I did one to the best of my ability (i.e. not very well) then he took me through all the kicks, punches, and blocks that he knows. When he was done, and could see exactly how much I couldn't do yet, he told me I should keep doing physical therapy and that he hoped I could start karate soon.

I hugged him. What a little sweetheart!

Penny-Pinching Tooth Fairy

Oldest has been losing teeth like crazy for the past year. He didn't lose any for the longest time, and was upset that he was the only kid in class with all his baby teeth. Then they started falling out all at once and he happily showed everyone his jack-o-lantern smile, especially the photographer taking school photos. :)

Last week, he lost another tooth. We put it a pouch under his pillow, and the tooth fairy came and left him a dollar. When he woke up the next morning, he excitedly opened it up.

Oldest: I hope there's more than one dollar here! (opens the pouch and smile disappears) Aww, there's only one.
Me: The tooth fairy has always left you one dollar. Why did you expect more?
Oldest: The other kids at school all get more.
Me: Huh? What do they get?
Oldest: One kid got 25 dollars the last time he lost a tooth.
Me: (laughing) I don't think he was telling the truth.
Oldest: He did! And another kid gets toys!
Me: How does a toy fit under his pillow?
Oldest: It doesn't. The tooth fairy leaves it in the middle of the room.
Me: Well, our tooth fairy doesn't leave toys, or 25 dollars. Ours leaves a dollar.
Oldest: (grumbling as he walks away) Why do we have to have this tooth fairy?

I hate to see what happens when he wants a raise in his allowance. :)

Mommy, What's That?

Here's a funny Youngest story for you...

While we were in India, we didn't encounter Indian-style toilets for the most part. Everywhere we went, there was a nice, western-style toilet bowl with a clean seat to sit on. There wasn't always toilet paper, but I always think ahead so it wasn't an issue.

My boys have never seen the Indian-style toilet, which is basically a hole in the ground with two footholds on either side (you stand on the footholds and squat--it's like peeing outdoors, except you're indoors). Sometimes they're clean, and sometimes they're...well...not.

Anyway, when we went to the theme park type place that had displays of various cultures across India, Youngest had to go to the bathroom. There were public restrooms there, but this place isn't there to cater to foriegn tourists, so you can probably guess what style bathrooms they had. :)

I took Youngest to the bathroom and opened a stall. A porcelain hole was in the floor, with two porcelain footholds on either side, and a handle sticking out of the pipes so you can flush when you're done. It was very clean, and the lack of toilet paper wasn't an issue for Youngest because he just had to pee. But he'd never seen a toilet like this before, and just stood there staring at it.

Him: Mommy, what's that?
Me: That's the potty. It's how a lot of them are in India.
Him: (cocking his head to the side) How do you use it?
Me: You go pee-pee in the hole there, then flush here.
Him: Oh, okay. (he looks at the toilet again, then at me, then back at the toilet). Mommy, how are you going to use that?

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing! I told him I'd do just fine, and that he should go potty. Which he did. :)

Happy Holidays!!

Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday!!  We were in London and India for much of December, and also went to Florida over Thanksgiving. Too much traveling over too short a time span! Live and learn, I guess.  :)

We're pretty used to traveling, though, and we take our kids with us. In fact, I've been to India four times now (all my in-laws are there), Oldest has been there three times, and Youngest has been there twice. It takes two days to get to India, so we're all accustomed to long plane rides. In fact, Youngest asked a hilarious question just before Thanksgiving...

Me: Guess what? We're going to see Grandpa in Florida over Thanksgiving! Does that sound fun?
Youngest: (squeals) Yes!! Who else is going to be there?
Me: Well, Great-Grandpa and Grandma, and there will be a couple kids to play with, too, who are your age.
Youngest: (more squeals, then he stopped and looked very thoughtful) Mommy, how many days will it take to get to Florida?
Me: (stifling laughter) It's only 2 and a half hours.
Youngest: (aghast) Two and a half days? That's really long!
Me: (laughing now) No, sweetie, two and a half hours. You could watch a movie on the plane, and when it's over we'd probably be landing.
Youngest: Oh! Okay. (he grins) That's really short.

I guess it's all in your perspective.  :)

Sneak Attack!

Youngest is in a soccer class.  It's not a league, it's a class for other 5 year olds to learn the techniques of how to play, and then they do some scrimmaging right before the end.  The kids all look forward to this, and really get into it when they score a goal.

The place where Youngest goes to soccer is a big warehouse with inflatable dividers to divy up the 'fields.'  One of the dividers on Youngest's field is next to a small bump-out on the wall (there is equipment on that section of wall, and they boxed it in with drywall to keep the kids from getting into it).  It's in the corner of the field, and there is a tiny hiding spot between it and the divider. 

Well, every day when we get to soccer, Youngest and another kid always go to hide in that spot, and then they try to scare the coaches when it's time for class to start.  The coaches always pretend to be scared, and everyone is laughing and happy. 

The other day, Youngest was in the middle of a scrimmage game, and he kept running back to that hiding spot.  The coaches kept calling him back to the game, and he kept going back to the hiding spot.  So, when it was time for a water break I asked him why he kept going to the corner instead of playing soccer. 

Youngest: "Because it's a secret hiding spot!"
Me: "But why are you hiding instead of playing soccer?"
Youngest: "Because when the ball comes near the secret hiding spot, I can jump out and steal the ball, and then score a goal.  It's a good sneak attack, Mommy!"

I laughed and hugged him, and told him he should just play soccer for now and try the sneak attack another day.  He looked disappointed, but finished the scrimmage game without any more 'hiding.'  :)

You Can Have Whatever You Want

It was my birthday last month, and when I went downstairs for breakfast, Oldest said something very unexpected.

Oldest: "Mommy, it's your birthday, so you can have whatever you want for breakfast."
Me: "I can, huh?"
Oldest: "Yep. You can even have..." (he got very serious here) "Cake."

I thought this was hilarious, because most kids would be saying this so that they can have cake for breakfast on their own birthdays.  But Oldest doesn't even like cake.  So, either he's being genuinely thoughtful for me, or he's planning to ask for chocolate for breakfast when his birthday rolls around again.  :) 

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

It's All About Who You Know...

I've been reading The Emerald Tablet by PJ Hoover to Oldest, and he's thoroughly enjoying it.  It's taking much longer than usual to get through it with all the upheaval we've had lately, but his interest has never once wavered, and he pleads for me to read 'just one more chapter' every single night.  He's also psyched to read books 2 and 3 in the trilogy, and we haven't even finished the first book yet!  It's very cute. 

PJ Hoover also happens to be in one of my online critique groups, and she's a fabulous person.  One of these days, I intend to meet her in person (which I'm really looking forward to) and get her to sign her books for me.  :)  I mentioned to Oldest that I knew the author, and asked him if he'd like to meet her some day.  He slowly turned to me with very wide, awe-filled eyes and said "You really know her?"  It was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing right then.  :)

I told him that I do, indeed, know PJ Hoover, and asked him if he'd like to meet her someday.  He nodded very enthusiastically.  So now I have to meet PJ, and I have to bring Oldest along.  He'll never forgive me if I don't.  :)

Eyes In The Back of Your Head

Years ago, when Oldest was about four years old, he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do--and he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing it.  But, since my back was turned, he thought he could get away with it.  I don't remember what it was, but I told him exactly what he was doing and that he had to stop.  He just stared at me in open-mouthed shock.

"How did you know?" he said.
I shrugged and said "I just know."
"But how did you know?"  Translation: how could you have known?

The gears were working hard in his head, and I almost told him the truth: I could hear everything he was doing, and I know him really well so I know the things he's likely to do.  Plus, there's that sixth-Mom-sense you somehow get after your kids are born, and it hasn't failed me yet.  But I didn't tell him all this.  Instead, a wicked grin came over me and I said "I have eyes in the back of my head."

Oldest didn't believe me, of course, and we had a great debate about how it's impossible for me to see out the back of my head because my hair was in the way.  I finally ended up saying that the eyes were magic and can see through anything, but he just can't see them.  He never did believe me, but he does believe that I can somehow know what he's doing even if I'm not looking at him.  Even if I'm not in the room.  He still hasn't figured it out, but it's very amusing to watch him try.

Youngest, however, is so accepting of everything.  The other day, he was sitting at the kitchen island drawing a picture while I was getting dinner ready.  He told me not to look because he wanted it to be a surprise, so I promised I wouldn't look and kept going about my dinner preparations.  But Youngest wouldn't let it go.

"Mommy, you can't look!  It's supposed to be a surprise."
"Okay, sweetie.  I promise I won't look."  I turned around so that my back was to him and said "See?  I'm not looking now."
"But, you have eyes in the back of your head!"

I nearly fell over laughing.  :)

Isn't That Cool?

I love learning new things.  There is just something so satisfying about discovering something new, or viewing an old thing from a new perspective.  It adds a bit of light to an otherwise dark and boring world.  I can't get enough of learning.

So, since I love learning so much, I try to instill that love in my own kids.  How do I do it?  The low-down conniving way, of course.  :)

Ever since the boys were little, I have liked to explain littl tidbits of info to them.  Whether it's how a can opener works, that trees give off oxygen, that bats eat hundreds of insects each night, or that automobiles didn't exist 150 years ago.  And then, after each tidbit, I add the phrase "Isn't that cool?" with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. 

Oldest used to just smile and nod, but Youngest is turning that phrase over in his head.  I can see the gears working, like he's taking the information I just gave him and making it cool.  Then he smiles and starts talking about something completely unrelated.  It's just what he does.  :)

But now, Oldest is coming to me with questions about the world.  How do people make puzzles?  Can you see planets in the sky without a telescope?  How do you make buttermilk?  What do horses eat?  It's awesome.  And if I don't know the answer, we'll go look it up.  Isn't that cool?!  :)

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

My kids go back to school next week.  Yeah, they're probably the last kids left in Chicago who aren't in school yet.  :)  Summer camp ended in mid August, so it's been interesting (and exhausting) to come up with inventive ways to occupy their time.  Plus, I've had to do some revision for my agent in there, too.  I'm so tired...I think I may spend their first week of school napping.  :)

Anyway, since kids are going back to school, that's prompted some conversations about what they want to be when they grow up.  Oldest always answers with a profession related to driving: bus driver, subway driver, garbage truck driver (yes, he really said that), etc.  Youngest is all over the place.  He usually mimics what Oldest wants to be, but if I ask him when Oldest isn't around, he'll tell me something different each time.  Astronaut, freight train driver, construction worker, etc.  Fortunately, they've got several years before deciding on anything.  :)

But the best answer to this question I've ever heard didn't come from my kids.  I was talking to one of my best friends, and she said that when she asked her son what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said...

Darth Vader.

I nearly busted a gut laughing so hard!!  Talk about inventive and imaginative.  So awesome!!

Which Austen Character Are You?

I love quizzes like these.  Don't know why--I mean, it's not like they're all that accurate.  :)  But they're fun, so I answered all the questions and was told that I am...

"...Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see."

Take the Quiz here!

Do you like quizzes like these? If so, take the test and tell me who you are!